he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He shit in the fireplace
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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