all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
