i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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