Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
