life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
