I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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