Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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