I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
