yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
