I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
