I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize