Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
