I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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