she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize