I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
