I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
