i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
