omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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