There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
