I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
