Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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