Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
