I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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