i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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