I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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