my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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