On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
