so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
