I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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