I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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