I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
pray to the hookup gods
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize