dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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