just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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