Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
