I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
