3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
