update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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