My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
