??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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