Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
