Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
