I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
