What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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