the condom got lost in my hair
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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