i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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