just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
