im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
