I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
