I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
