Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
