When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
