her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Can I color on your dick again?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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