I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
