i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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