are you still at the devil's house?
I need help removing her.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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