All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
