He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Someone shit on the floor
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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