Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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