She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
