he was CRYING into my vagina
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
