but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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