Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
