I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize