Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
