He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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