saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
