as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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