It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize