i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
