I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
