Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
