Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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