just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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