By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
