I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
