Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
