When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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