I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Randomize
