Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize