Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
