Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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