Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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