; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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