Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
