I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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