Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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