Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
