Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Your dad touched me again.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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