I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
