Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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