I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
