They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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