I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
