when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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