I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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