I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
