I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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