smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Panties = found
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
