if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
