i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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