Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
