how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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