The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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