At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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