the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
