Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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