she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
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